Testimonies

HOW FEMINISM CHANGED OUR LIVES

(a short summary of individual interviews of Filipino grassroots women leaders)

Beth

Beth grew up in a violent home. Oftentimes, she and her siblings noticed the heavy marks of physical abuse on their mother. But they never witnessed how their father beat up their mother who also did not dare tell her children about their father’s violent tendencies for fear that a son might kill the father. In one unavoidable circumstance, however, the children finally saw their father’s violent outburst. As expected, it angered the son such that the father nearly lost his life.

When it was Beth’s turn to have her own married life, she realized that her husband was also of the same kind. His abuses increased when he started to entertain himself habitually in beerhouses. Every time Beth asked her husband why he came home late and drunk, he would beat her up. Her husband was also into gambling. The household income became meager because of such practices. Her husband excused his harmful deeds by saying that he was the bread winner.

Beth knew that the situation was wrong and disagreed with his husband’s excuses. Being a member and area leader of a women’s organization strengthened her position to end her husband’s abuses. Having been oriented on the law declaring domestic violence a crime, she went to the village chief and filed a complaint against her husband. Since then, her husband ceased to harm her physically. And while naturally, disagreements arise between the two of them, their power relations shifted from unequal to equal.

Lina

A local folk belief says that marriage is not an easy matter.  More so if the couple’s religion and cultural orientation are different. Such is the case of Lina, a Christian, whose husband is a Moslem. The man she married hails from a conservative family of Imams. An Imam is the counterpart of a priest in the Roman Catholic church. Her husband and his family share the same belief that the role of women in society is limited only to giving birth and caring for the children, the husband and the home. Lina took this all in stride. Then time caught up and the idea of a jobless husband and a good-for-nothing wife frightened her.

When Lina took a job in a women’s organization, she was exposed to other points of view pertaining to the role of women at home and in society. More important for her was her appreciation of the equal rights of women and men. This energized her to begin advocating for change at home. She fought for her equal right as a woman.

She now enjoys the support of her husband. He respects her reproductive health and right. She can refuse her husband’s sexual invitation. She can assert her right to not to be pregnant. She is also successful in warding off violence in intimate relationships.

For Lina, feminism as a way of life is a continuing struggle. She hopes that more women will also be awakened into feminism and become a part of an expanding movement for social transformation.

Violy

At the age of 16, Violy became active at community organizing in the province. Since then, it was her life and her world. And it very much contented her, especially since it was her venue to learn and impart to others what she learned.

It was also through the organization that she met her husband. He was her first and only boyfriend. Early in their married life, Violy found it strange that her husband made love to her in different positions. This haunted her for nearly a year until she found courage to tell a friend about it. Her friend enlightened her by saying that it was a normal thing among couples. When her husband learned about it as well, he explained that being raised in the city, he was exposed to a variety of literature about love-making. He also had a girlfriend before her. For Violy, that spelled the difference between her husband and herself. When it comes to raising their children, Violy was a conservative and her husband was a liberal. They would debate about it but at the end of the day they united on what was best for them.

Violy learned about feminism when she joined a women’s organization in the city. This brought a change in the couple’s decision-making process. Violy now plays an equal part in making decisions for herself, the family and the household.  She also plays a key role in gender-sensitizing all the members of her own family.

Emma

The house and the family were her two worlds before. Her husband disallowed her to work and earn a living. One day, her sister-in-law invited her to a meeting which was arranged by a group that was engaged in organizing work in the community. She appreciated what she heard, stuff which were mostly helpful to life. On the third meeting, she was elected as one of the officers of the local organization. The officers participated in a training to develop their leadership capabilities. After her husband left for work, she joined the other officers in the training. Before he got home from work, Emma beat him to it. Emma strived to learn and participate actively. Her knowledge increased and her circle grew. These she appreciated greatly.

Her efforts were recognized and she was chosen to become a community health worker. She learned and practiced clinical check-up and related health work. She also encountered cases of violence against women and learned to provide crisis intervention counseling to abused women and children. A particular case of intimate abuse between a lesbian couple made her realize the risks involved in crisis intervention. It also made her accept the fact that decision-making lies in the hands of the persons concerned and not in the service provider. Moreover, she learned to respect the decisions of others.  These she also applied to her own set of teenagers in the family. She knows better how to guide them in their turbulent growing-up years. Changes were also noticeable with her husband. He intervened when a gay was being discriminated against by a group of neighbors. He also encouraged Emma to get up and attend to a woman who will give birth during an unholy hour of the night, when before his attitude towards it was negative.

Through her affiliation in a feminist organization, Emma was able to attain personal growth and development, something that she cherishes and which, she knows, her husband appreciates.

Contact Person:  Tish Vito Cruz

Organization: Likhaan (Secretariat of KK2!, the Philippine network of the WMW)